“I now pronounce you husband and wife…”

This announcement marks the end of the marriage ceremony and the beginning of married life. Without a doubt, one of the most important things to realize is that marriage is a covenant relationship in which God is a part of the union. He created man and woman and instituted the marriage union. God no longer sees you as two individuals, He sees you as one with two individual personalities.

“A man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” (Ephesians 5:31)

One of the most important strengths in your marriage will be cultivating open and strong communication. The most powerful force on earth is a husband and wife who understand each other, and are in agreement concerning their home, life, and future plans together. Jesus said, “If two of you agree on earth concerning anything you ask, it will be done for you by My Father who is in heaven” (Matthew 18:19). Always remember that in making decisions, you will be each other’s best counsel. Every decision will affect you both, so agreement is vital.

The goal in your marriage relationship is to move into a level of conversation where you are open to share about anything and everything. At this level there are no areas that you have to hide or cover up, no areas where you are limited, no touchy subjects you can’t talk about. In other words, there is nothing hidden and you can enjoy transparency and openness. You can avoid many challenges in your marriage if you learn to listen, and give opportunity for both parties to speak.

Communication breaks down when one is afraid that what they have to say will be rejected or put down, or maybe they will be embarrassed or criticized. Don’t let that be a barrier in your relationship. Sometimes one spouse won’t talk, because anything they say they feel put down. Learn to break through these fears and communicate with openness and willingness to listen. Set your goals on agreement, loving understanding, and be willing to compromise. One of your greatest joys in your relationship will be deep, intimate, heart to heart talks on a daily basis. So set aside time regularly whether over coffee in the morning, during lunch or in the evening on the deck. Identify some place and time where you can open up and share freely together. It will strengthen every other area of your life, home, and family you are building together.

I’d like to suggest one book that will help start you off on the right foot: “His Needs, Her Needs” by Willard Harley. May your marriage reflect the love and kindness of God!